The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Friday, July 06, 2007

I'm Pleased to Accept Your Waste


That's the most accurate description of The Boy's potty training adventures to date. He'll start off by announcing the occasion with a crotch grab and a "Poo Poo" or "Pee Pee", which from everything I've read is outstanding. The fact he senses the need to go is a major potty training milestone. From there the results have been mixed.

Excitedly we'll take off his pants and lead him to the potty. There he'll happily sit singing, talking, reading; doing everything except what he's actually there to do. Eventually he hops off, leaving the potty as clean as the day we bought it. Subsequent attempts to lead him back to the promised land range from a simple "No" to near tantrum, so instead he'll spend the next couple of hours running around bare-assed while we watch for the signs of imminent waste disposal.

What is a parent to do in this situation? Buy a singing/dancing potty, that's what you do! Okay it doesn't actually dance - that would be messy - but it sings, P and I do the dancing.

The whole idea is it is supposed to make using the potty fun. Fun to Fischer Price means zany noises, smiley-faced toilet paper and songs of encouragement. Fun to Fischer Price also mean no volume control. Cries of "Hurray! You used the Potty!" can be heard all the way out in our yard. I'd put up with the noise if The Boy was actually using the potty, but it also cheers when you put your foot inside, which The Boy likes to do repeatedly.

So now we have a standard potty and one that practically begs you to soil it, but we're still making no headway in getting The Boy to use either one consistently. He started off strong, but has been regressing the past three weeks. He knows when he has to go, he just doesn't want to go in a potty.

This is easily the biggest challenge I had to date as a parent, but it has only steeled my resolve. He will be out of diapers before high school. This I can guarantee.