That Deserves a Lump of Coal

Me: Let's go buy Breakfast with Santa tickets.

The Boy: Awwww man! If I have breakfast with Santa I'll fart!

I'm sure there are a lot of upsides to being a Department Store Santa. Kids farting on your lap is probably not one of them.

Safety First?

Since the late 80's or so, car manufacturers have installed rear door child-safety locks in most of their cars. They come in various flavours, but they all do the same thing - prevent the door from being opened from the inside. The idea is to stop junior from fleeing the car at inappropriate times, like say driving down the highway at 110 km, or driving past a collision between a toy delivery van and ice cream truck.

So a month ago when The Boy stepped up from a car seat to booster seat I activated the safety locks in our car. Then I got to thinking, just how safe are those locks?

Yes it's true, the locks can stop your kid from bolting the car when you least expect it, but what about a situation where you actually want, or need, your kid to get out by themselves. And that's the real question isn't it? If you got in a crash and your door was stuck shut, how would your kid get out of the car?

Whether you choose to use these locks or not really depends on you, but after thinking it through I'm on the side of the prevention through education instead of prevention by restraint (like those stupid kid leashes - but that's for another day).

A week after using the locks, I deactivated them. And so far I haven't had a problem with The Boy getting out when he shouldn't.

Light a Match!

The Boy is pooping upstairs when suddenly, "My eyes are watering!"

"Well if you hurry up you can get out of there." The Boy has been potty trained for well over a year now, but to this day a little piece of me still jumps for joy whenever he wanders into the bathroom by himself. Now the problem is getting him off the pot.

Seems he has discovered the best reading room in the house already. A "big job" for The Boy can last 20 minutes or more, as he likes to settle in with a couple of books.

"You done yet?"

"Not yet."

"Seriously, its been a long time. You must be done."

"Not yet."

"Even Dad doesn't take this long."

"Not yet."

My beautiful, beautiful boy. He's got a taste for garlic and shits like an adult.

Nice.

The Upside to Unemployment

So I've been a Laid-off Dad for a couple weeks now (Not to be confused with THE Laid-off Dad, an excellent read if you're so inclined). A few observations.

• What's surprised me the most so far is how busy I am. And not the "cross legs in opposite direction while watching daytime TV" type of busy, I'm actually busy. Between reconnecting with my network, errands, housework, and a bit of consulting I barely have enough hours in the day. How the hell did I manage to get everything done while working full-time is a mystery.
  
  
• I'm shocked at how messy the house is. You'd think with me being home a lot the place would be neater, but I think it's actually messier.
  
  
• I have yet to figure out what to tell The Boy when he draws me a picture and says, "You can put this up in your office Dad."
  
  
• I don't miss my old job.
  
  
• This year I will NOT have to wear a Halloween costume to work. Halloween 2009 will be celebrated the way it should be, in my underwear eating mini-chocolate bars.
  
  
• I'm taking The Boy to swimming lessons. I used to think "What parent could possibly take their kids to lessons during the week?!?" The answer: parents like me.
  
  
• But the absolute best part of being unemployed full-time - I get to spend way more time with The Boy. He gets dropped off at daycare later and picked up earlier. Sometimes we walk and check out the neighbourhood along the way, or stop for a hot chocolate on the way home. It's awesome!

Turn Down The Suck

P emails me last week. "The Wiggles are coming."

"You're joking right?" After a couple of minutes I send a follow-up, "Well, you can go."

The Wiggles embarrass me like no other children's group can. It's not necessarily the way they dance, or even the music specifically, there's just something about how it all comes together that makes me want to eviscerate myself. But The Boy would probably enjoy himself, and P seems to tolerate them, so I set aside my musical pride long enough to buy two tickets.

P's clearly the bigger parent here. She's not a Wiggles fan, but willing to sit through it for our son's enjoyment. And she's not alone, as the procession of mini-vans in the parking lot would seem to indicate.

So right now P and The Boy are at the concert while I sit in a near-by coffee shop. The show will probably be great, and The Boy will have the time of his life. yet here I sit sipping an Americano.

Yup, I'm a little man who can't look past my personal tastes for my son's benefit. But you know, despite rationalizing it, I'd still rather stick a screwdriver in my ear.

I Suppose That's Possible

The Boy: When I grow up I'm going to have boobies.

P: Well...

TB: My Brother (his imaginary one) has boobs.

P: He does?

TB: Yes he does. He has huge boobs (gesturing arms length from his chest).

That would explain this picture.

Your Child’s Future!

Have you secured it yet? Your children’s future? I’m not talking about saving up for university tuition or preparing your will (both good ideas by the way), I’m talking about their digital future.

My co-workers gave The Boy got his own domain as a baby gift. While I’ve haven’t activated it yet, it’s up-to-date, parked and waiting. Yesterday I signed him up for a Gmail and Twitter account. Today I’m going to secure FourSquare, MySpace, Flickr, Yelp, and YouTube. Who knows if these technologies will be relevant in a few years, but if they are The Boy will have accounts in his own name.

Parenting in the digital age – whew!

If Everyone Jumped Off a Bridge...

As parents we're always trying to teach our kids to think for themselves. After all, peer pressure can lead to all sorts of trouble - drugs, smoking, relaxed fit jeans - but maybe parents are actually the problem.

Preschoolers can resist pretty much anything parents throw at them, so how do get them to listen?

"John is wearing hat, don't you want to?"
" See, everyone else is wearing pants."
“Look. Suzy has sunscreen on.”

We use peer pressure.

How are kids going to learn to think for themselves if they spend their formative years being told to be like everyone else?

Four!

The Boy turned four-years old today. This is the first birthday where he truly understands it’s a special day, and he’s super excited. Although the day got off to a rocky start.

P and I made cupcakes to take to his daycare.

The Boy: Dad, will you come to my cupcake party?

Me: I can’t, sorry. I have to work.

TB: [tears welling up] Mom, can you come to my cupcake party?

P: I’m sorry honey. Mom and Dad have to work. But all your friends will be there.

Fortunately he manages to hold back the tears, but seems genuinely sad. “He’ll get over it.” P says as she leaves.

We all those memory nuggets from our childhood that stand out. Events big and small that for no apparent reason stick with us forever – I hope this isn’t one of those memories for The Boy, “Hmmm… it would be a shame to commit Dad to an old folks home, but he did miss my 4th-birthday cupcake party…”

Yeah, he won’t remember the bike we’re giving him tonight, or the big-ass party we threw him last Saturday. He’s going to stick me in a home because I didn’t break-cake with him today. Great.

Happy Birthday Son! Let’s talk before I write you out of my will.

Creepy But Cool

Won't make me start drinking Evian, but I love the execution.