Grad

Last week The Boy's daycare held a graduation ceremony for the kids moving onto Kindergarden.

The daycare is run by the local Polish Catholic Church, so I don't know if this is a Polish tradition or a Catholic one, but it apparently when a child graduates they are presented with a phallic balloon.





I can only imagine what kids get for graduating University.

Uh...

Me: You're a very bright boy.

The Boy: Mommy's bright too. Me and Mommy are bright. Not like you, you're dark.

Me: Well, I am darker than you. (I'm Chinese).

Five minutes later...

Me: Can I have a kiss goodnight?

TB: No.

Me: Why?

TB: Because you're dark. Not light like me and Mom.

Me: So I don't get a kiss?

TB: Nope, because you're dark.

I should force him to watch Michael Jackson's Black and White video. He might not learn about tolerance, but the video is so awful he'll never do it again.

Throw the First Punch

Like most parents, we've taught The Boy to play nicely and not fight.

- Don't hit back
- Use your words
- Tell them to stop
- Walk away
- Tell the teacher

All good lessons, but now I'm worried he's becoming spineless.

We hear the stories from daycare, "John hit me." "Rowan said he was going to punch me in the face." "James pushed me over."

"What did you do about it?"

"I told him to stop, then told the teacher. He got in trouble." Lately playdates go the same way. "Dad, he pushed me" or "Mom, he won't share."

I'm worried. If The Boy never learns to fight his own fights, he's going to get destroyed in school, and as an adult.

At what point do you suggest to your child they fight back? I am so close to telling him, "Next time so & so punches you, wind up and punch him back."

But that wouldn't be responsible parenting would it?

Two Things You Shouldn't Do on The Bus

Apply Sunscreen
I applaud your dedication to reducing the risk of skin cancer, but do you really need to apply sunscreen on a crowded bus? Gobs of it on your hands, shoulders, and now thanks to you, the seats, poles and your fellow passengers.

Toss and Eat a Caesar Salad
Backpack over one shoulder and shopping bags in one hand would make it tricky to toss a salad in your kitchen, let alone the bus. Dressing and lettuce everywhere. I don't know what bothered me more, the mess he made or how disgusting it was to watch. The bus is a germ factory dude!

I'm Confused

I buy a lot of The Boy's clothes online. It just doesn't make much sense to buy new when he out grows them in a couple months, eBay and Craigslist have been very good to us for clothes.

But it was so much easier when he was little. Until he hit the two year mark everything was sized by month. Simple! Aside from small size variations, we had a decent idea of how big any piece of clothing was.

Then he became a "T". 2T, 3T, 4T... First off, what does "T" stand for anyways? And even more confusing, what is the difference between 4T and Sz 4? And how small is a "Small"?

Shoes are even worse. A size 8 may or may not fit depending on whether it is a toddler 8 or kids 8. I might understand if shoe sizes were indicated with a T or K, but all I usually see on a listing is the size. WTF?

Any help on clarifying this would be most appreciated.

That’s Not What Mine Looks Like

(Slightly graphic details ahead. You’ve been warned.)

I guess it's the age, The Boy is really getting into his genitals. Yesterday while on the toilet he was rolling back his foreskin and checking out the goods inside. Pooing and playing with himself, a true multi-tasker.

I brought him a dinosaur book, made a face, and gave him some privacy.

Suddenly, “Hey guys! Come here. Take a look at this.”

We don’t move. I know it’s innocent self-discovery, but it still weirds us out.

“Come here. It has horns.”

“What?”

“Horns, it has horns.”

“What has horns?”

“Come here.”

P and I are perplexed, “I hope he isn’t talking about his penis.”

I poke my head in the door and, thankfully, he’s pointing to a dinosaur in the book.

Whew! But what if it really did have horns? Next thing you know he’d be in a freak show, touring, and making good money. And I always had him pegged as a doctor.

Back To Regular Programming

Said what I needed to say about Starbucks. Shitty coffee + declining sales = well you do the math.

Now back to the trials and tribulations of Me, P, and The Boy.

This morning The Boy wandered over to the toilet, lifts the lid and peed standing up! A huge milestone in my opinion. Aside from the fact this makes public washrooms easier, his Potty Seat never really fit the toilet properly - a slight twist right or left and the seat would fall into the bowl.

I got totally stressed each time The Boy went to the washroom. If he actually fell into the toilet, I'd probably be no where near my camera to take a picture.

----

Somewhat related. On a recent trip to the US, I discovered Americans don't use the term "washroom", they prefer "restroom". Every time I asked someone where the washroom was, I'd get this blank, furrowed stare. "You must be from Canada... we don't really go there to wash, so washroom doesn't make any sense."

Yeah well listen snot-face, I don't go to the restroom to rest either, I go there to work.

Starbucks In Decline - I'll Tell You Why

It's been well documented the past couple of years - coffee giant Starbucks is suffering.

Sales are down, stock prices dropping, stores closing, and the biggest tell-tale sign of trouble, they're jumping the shark; rolling out new products faster than you can say brand extension. Just last month, the company that moved the world away from instant coffee launched an instant coffee. Things must be getting desperate.

My fellow marketers love to dissect Starbucks. They truly were a success story. With virtually no advertising and a focused vision, they rose from a small storefront in Seattle to coffee world domination. Now that they're failing the hand wringing has begun. "They've lost their way." "Go back to core competencies." "What's with the egg sandwiches?" "Market saturation."

But there one point my contemporaries keep on overlooking: Starbucks coffee is awful!

Yeah that's a highly subjective opinion (mine), but I really believe that's the heart of their problem.

In the early days of Starbucks, there weren't a lot of shops like them. Most coffee was brewed in giant urns and served in Styrofoam cups. Starbucks changed that. The whole Starbucks experience revolved around enjoying coffee. It was unique at the time and took North America by storm. Naturally, competition came along.

It wasn't the competition itself that was the problem. It's the fact the competition was serving up better coffee. Starbucks was so busy planning the next phase of world domination, they forgot the reason people went to their stores in the first place, to have a coffee experience. Now they've become the coffee shop of convenience (they are everywhere) and not a destination; Starbucks has become the McDonald's of coffee.

Sure Starbucks has their legion of diehard fans, but they aren't the problem. The competition is making better tasting coffee for the same price, and all things remaining equal, people will go for taste every time.

Sneaky

[Crinkle. Crinkle]

Me: What are you doing?

The Boy: Nothing.

Me: Are you sneaking a cookie out of the box?

TB: No. I'm doing nothing.

Me: I think you're getting a cookie.

TB: No I'm not.

I turn around just in time to see The Boy hide a cookie behind his back. I'd be gobsmacked if it wasn't so cute. This is the very first time he's tried being sneaky. Probably not the last time though.

A Man Of Leisure - Day 2

The hardest part of being given six-months notice are the stares I'm getting from the surviving staff, like I'm the walking dead.

Honestly people, you can talk to me. And yes, I'm doing okay.