The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Friday, December 22, 2006

Wiggle Who?

The other day I was having drinks with some friends when one of them turns to me and says, "So I hear one of The Wiggles has quit."

What the...? Because I'm a parent I'm supposed to have some sort of opinion about that? I may have a kid, but that doesn't automatically mean I'm up-to-date in the world of annoying children's entertainers.

Sports! Now that's quality children's programming even Dad enjoys. Fast pace, music, dancing and people in costumes (mascots) - sounds just like a Barney episode to me.

Say Cheese

On the weekend we took The Boy to the mall for some Christmas shopping and photo shoot with Santa.

Hello Sears Catalog. Your next model is right here.

This particular Santa set-up was by donation, with all profits benefiting the local Christmas Bureau, so parents were allow to use their own cameras too. Naturally I brought my camera along for the ride. The Boy was in a great mood despite being under-napped and over stimulated, so we got a couple good shots of him and the man in red as a result. As I was picking him off of Santa's knee, Santa asked me if I wanted to get a few shots with my camera. "Uh... no thanks, we've got enough."

To be honest I only brought my camera along just in case The Boy wasn't so well behaved. If he was having a fit or yanking Santa's hat, then I'd have my camera set to auto advance. It's those precious moments you just don't want to miss.

P: Why do you only photograph The Boy at his worst?
Me: Because it's funny.

I have hundreds of good shots of The Boy too, shots that make P and I "awwww" with joy, but a photo of The Boy swinging off Santa's beard, that's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I wish there were more shots like that of me as a baby. Most of the pictures of my childhood are posed to a point of being painful. This was long before the days of auto-focus, point and shoot cameras, so we had to stand there while Dad metered and measured everything first. Three to five shots in the same location, in the same pose, talk about un-spontaneous.

So I follow The Boy around everywhere with the camera, trying to capture him at his best, but secretly hoping for a few gaffs along the way. This particular day he got tired of being photo documented. Maybe he could do better than me?

Give me that damn camera!

Sometimes I look at The Boy and think to myself, what will he be like when he gets older? What will he be into? Sports? Art? Music? A little work on composition and I think photography is on the list.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Victory Is Mine!

Apparently I wasn't the only one who came to the conclusion that Wee Watch Vancouver was a crap organization. This email just arrived in my inbox today.

I saw your post about Michelle Thomson this morning and thought you might be interested in knowing that Wee Watch Vancouver has been shut down as of 8th December 2006.

I am a parent who actually had his child with a day care provider under the Wee-Watch. The provider is a great person, but we always had difficulties getting in touch with Michelle. When the provider went back to work we tried to get in touch with Michelle for a substitute. We eventually found a private day care not related to Wee Watch after not being able to hear from Michelle.

I'm happy for you you never had to deal with them. I'm sorry for all the providers who had their business put up with Wee Watch, and for all the parents who might still be stuck without daycare solutions for their children.

Not that I had anything to do with the shut down. It sounds like Wee Watch Vancouver had been on a downward slide for a while. I just hope Michelle doesn't surface somewhere else, pretending to actually give a shit about parents and their children.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's an Inverse Relationship Actually

I'm on the bus. In front of me is a HUGE ad for Lifestyles condoms. The happy fellow in the ad is holding a HUGE family-sized box of Lifestyles condoms. According to the label there are only 12 in the box, although the box is big enough to hold 60 - 80 easily.

I can see where they're going with this: Lifestyles Condoms. The box is huge, so you are too.

Ummm... I don't think the size of the ad or the size of the box has anything to do the size of your dick. And I don't think you're going to fool anyone displaying a giant condom box on your night table. When it comes right down to it, no sized box is going to compensate for the fact you've got a thimble between your legs.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Baby Gates Are Useful...

...but only if you use them.

I'm downstairs talking on the phone when lo and behold The Boy comes tearing around the corner. "Unusual of P to bring him downstairs pantless" I thought, "but he is sure cute. Pants are overrated anyways."

Suddenly P comes downstairs clearly flustered. "He climbed down the stairs by himself. I forgot to close the gate."


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Is This A Transferable Skill?

When The Boy snacks he's got to use both hands. The first two pieces of snack (is snack even a proper noun?) go right in his mouth, then he needs to hold another two pieces while he chews. Just one piece isn't good enough, he'll mumble and point at snack until we pass him piece number two. "Two fisted snacking" we call it.

Is this a skill he can use when he grows up? For competitive eating maybe, but that's not really a "career". Whatever the skill transferability, it's sure cute to watch, and even more fun to say, because it sounds so naughty.

The three of us were in a restaurant on the weekend, eating and snacking as a family. I absentmindedly passed The Boy only one piece of snack, a move he responded immediately to with "Snack, more snack" gestures.

"He's a two fister" P exclaims. "Oh... I guess I shouldn't say that so loudly."

But again, it only sounds naughty.

"Don't worry about it," I say, "You said "He's a two fister" not "He likes fisting."

Now that's a statement that would turn a few heads.