The Secret Life of Adults, Revealed

Nap time at our house sometimes means putting The Boy down for a snooze when he's not completely nappy. We know when he needs a nap, a particular cranky whine accompanied by heavy eyelids, but he still doesn't want to sleep. He looks up at me from his crib with those "Let's Play" eyes, which quickly turn into "What the fuck?" eyes as I back out of the room and close the door.

Sometimes when this happens I peek in on him, and I can see he's fighting the sleep; kicking and fussing and rolling and looking around for someone, anyone to rescue him from the crib.

I remember when I was a toddler. I would be put down for a nap when I clearly didn't one; it was cutting into some serious playtime. Eventually, like all kids I'd fall asleep, only to wake up an hour or so later, alone, trapped in my crib. I could hear my parents, sometimes other adults milling around, but where were they? What were they doing? Why was I relegated to this crib when they were obviously playing?

Eventually someone would come in to get me, and like a dog that's been tied to a tree, I'd be ecstatic. Free at last! Don't do that again! What's for lunch?

So I know what exactly what's going through The Boy's mind while he lies there.

• I'm not tired and Dad, you're an asshole for abandoning me here.
• Why do I have to sleep and you get to play?
• Wish I could be a grown-up so I can stay up whenever I want.

Let me tell you something boy, your Mom and I aren't playing. We're doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, and basically trying to keep this place from blowing apart at the seams. So be careful what you wish for kid-o, it's not so glamourous when you get there.