The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Sunday, February 18, 2007

V Day Post-Op Review

It's been a few of days since my vasectomy, recovery seems to be fine. A few notes for those who might be considering getting one.

  • I probably shouldn't have taken public transit home, the freezing wore off halfway through the commute and I pretty much squirmed the rest the way.

  • After the procedure, the doctor packed about 50 gauze pads into my underwear to cushion the 'boys' and prevent them from getting knocked around. Had I known he was going to do that I would have wore baggier pants. All that gauze made it look like I was packing something seriously lethal in my pants, not to mention made it tough to walk. I finally have a reason to swagger, and it's for all the wrong reasons.

  • If any of you are considering a vasectomy, get a No Scalpel Vasectomy. I've witnessed my brother, co-workers and friends hobble around in track pants for a couple weeks. Today is day four of the new me, and aside from a dull ache, there's actually very little pain. I expected to be crippled for a week, but I'm getting around just fine.

  • Yesterday I auditioned for the band Dead Film Stars. I never thought about this before, but sitting behind a drum kit for three hour puts a lot of pressure down in that region. I kept having to stand up and adjust myself. Eventually I called a washroom break. "Yeah, it looks like you're squirming back there." one of them said. This was the first time I had met these guys, so I decided not to get into vasectomy details. Now forever in their eyes, I'm the drummer with the acorn-sized bladder

  • The doctor did his best to kept the mood light, he was positively chatty. Understandably, I wasn't really in the right frame of mind for conversation. "So, what do you do for a living?" "Me? Oh I don't usually get my nut-sack cut into." "...?"