Leave Me Alone, Please

Last month I joined a new gym, one that is closer to where I work. I had up until a year ago, belonged to the YMCA. I loved the "Y" - friendly, unassuming and totally unpretentious. People just went there to workout and go home. No muss, no fuss.

At my new gym on the other hand, there's a definite swagger. The ultra-fit set appear to have a penchant for strutting from machine to machine. As annoying as that is though, I can live with it. This isn't the "Y" after all, and aside from parading around, the strutters pretty much keep to themselves. Besides some of them are nice to look at.

No, the thing about my new gym that is really bothering me is they are always trying to get me to sign-up for some personal training sessions, or to assess my body fat, or my diet, or whatever. All I want to do is workout, shower and leave. Ignoring them doesn't work, the phone calls and emails just keep coming. So maybe it's time for a new strategy.

Their latest pitch is for a free personalized fitness plan. I'm to book my appointment soon, because I guess this is a time-sensitive offer. So I think I'll make an appointment, and when the trainer asks me what my goals are I'll reply, "Y'know, I've been thinking about it, and what I really want to develop is a huge dick. Ten inches minimum. Can you help me reach that goal?" Then sit back and watch their reaction.

It's passive-aggressive I know, but if the shoe fits...