The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Booty Call

It's 5:00 AM. The phone rings.




"... hello?"

"Can I help you?"

"Uh... what's your cheapest rate for an escort?"

"You really have the wrong number."


Classy. But I guess in these recessionary times everyone's looking for a bargain.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


Last week The Boy's daycare held a graduation ceremony for the kids moving onto Kindergarden.

The daycare is run by the local Polish Catholic Church, so I don't know if this is a Polish tradition or a Catholic one, but it apparently when a child graduates they are presented with a phallic balloon.

I can only imagine what kids get for graduating University.

Sunday, July 05, 2009


Me: You're a very bright boy.

The Boy: Mommy's bright too. Me and Mommy are bright. Not like you, you're dark.

Me: Well, I am darker than you. (I'm Chinese).

Five minutes later...

Me: Can I have a kiss goodnight?

TB: No.

Me: Why?

TB: Because you're dark. Not light like me and Mom.

Me: So I don't get a kiss?

TB: Nope, because you're dark.

I should force him to watch Michael Jackson's Black and White video. He might not learn about tolerance, but the video is so awful he'll never do it again.