The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Friday, October 16, 2009

Light a Match!

The Boy is pooping upstairs when suddenly, "My eyes are watering!"

"Well if you hurry up you can get out of there." The Boy has been potty trained for well over a year now, but to this day a little piece of me still jumps for joy whenever he wanders into the bathroom by himself. Now the problem is getting him off the pot.

Seems he has discovered the best reading room in the house already. A "big job" for The Boy can last 20 minutes or more, as he likes to settle in with a couple of books.

"You done yet?"

"Not yet."

"Seriously, its been a long time. You must be done."

"Not yet."

"Even Dad doesn't take this long."

"Not yet."

My beautiful, beautiful boy. He's got a taste for garlic and shits like an adult.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Upside to Unemployment

So I've been a Laid-off Dad for a couple weeks now (Not to be confused with THE Laid-off Dad, an excellent read if you're so inclined). A few observations.

  • What's surprised me the most so far is how busy I am. And not the "cross legs in opposite direction while watching daytime TV" type of busy, I'm actually busy. Between reconnecting with my network, errands, housework, and a bit of consulting I barely have enough hours in the day. How the hell did I manage to get everything done while working full-time is a mystery.

  • I'm shocked at how messy the house is. You'd think with me being home a lot the place would be neater, but I think it's actually messier.

  • I have yet to figure out what to tell The Boy when he draws me a picture and says, "You can put this up in your office Dad."

  • I don't miss my old job.

  • This year I will NOT have to wear a Halloween costume to work. Halloween 2009 will be celebrated the way it should be, in my underwear eating mini-chocolate bars.

  • I'm taking The Boy to swimming lessons. I used to think "What parent could possibly take their kids to lessons during the week?!?" The answer: parents like me.

  • But the absolute best part of being unemployed full-time - I get to spend way more time with The Boy. He gets dropped off at daycare later and picked up earlier. Sometimes we walk and check out the neighbourhood along the way, or stop for a hot chocolate on the way home. It's awesome!

Friday, October 09, 2009

Turn Down The Suck

P emails me last week. "The Wiggles are coming."

"You're joking right?" After a couple of minutes I send a follow-up, "Well, you can go."

The Wiggles embarrass me like no other children's group can. It's not necessarily the way they dance, or even the music specifically, there's just something about how it all comes together that makes me want to eviscerate myself. But The Boy would probably enjoy himself, and P seems to tolerate them, so I set aside my musical pride long enough to buy two tickets.

P's clearly the bigger parent here. She's not a Wiggles fan, but willing to sit through it for our son's enjoyment. And she's not alone, as the procession of mini-vans in the parking lot would seem to indicate.

So right now P and The Boy are at the concert while I sit in a near-by coffee shop. The show will probably be great, and The Boy will have the time of his life. yet here I sit sipping an Americano.

Yup, I'm a little man who can't look past my personal tastes for my son's benefit. But you know, despite rationalizing it, I'd still rather stick a screwdriver in my ear.