The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Friday, December 21, 2007

Daddy Draws The Line

When The Boy hurts himself, he can usually be "healed" with a pretend Band-Aid and a kiss.

The Boy: Waaa Waaa, I hurting.
Me: Here let me kiss it [kiss kiss]. Would you like a Band-Aid?
TB: Yeah.
Me: Okay [apply pretend Band-Aid]. All better?
TB: Better.

And he dashes off again. We have avoided many a cry-fest with this routine. It had zero drawbacks until last night in the bath, when The Boy sat on a plastic dinosaur.

TB: Ow. I hurt my bum-bum.
Me: Let put a Band-Aid on for you. [apply pretend Band-Aid].
TB: Kiss it.
Me: What?
TB: Kiss it.
Me: You want me to kiss your ass?
TB: Yeah.

And so I kissed my son's ass. Totally within the realm of normal parenting I think.

But if The Boy ever hurts his groin, I'm just going to let him cry.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Actually, He's a Dick

Last night the family watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas. A timeless classic and one of the best cartoons Chuck Jones has ever created, but I think it sends mixed messages.

At first The Boy was a little scared of the Grinch, but in the end happiness prevails and Christmas is restored in Whoville. He cheered as the Grinch raced down the mountain with his sleigh full of presents. And he beamed with happiness as the Whos welcomed the new, improved Grinch into the fold.

And I bit my tongue.

Don't you Whos remember anything? The Grinch isn't bringing Christmas to Whoville, he's just returning everything he stole. That's right you furry nitwits, STOLE. He broke into your homes at night and cleaned you out, even the last can of Who Hash.

The Grinch is not a hero, the Grinch is a dick. You managed to make him feel guilty enough to bring your stuff back, but his original intent was pure evil.

If I woke up Christmas morning to find everything stolen, I'd flip. And then if the thief knocked on my door and said, "Hi. Uh... I took your stuff, but then I heard you singing and had a change of heart." I'm not sure what I'd do, but I doubt I'd invite him in for eggnog and waffles.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Yo Gabba Gabba

Why don't we get Kids shows like this in Canada?

All we get are endless episodes of Big Comfy Couch, a show so embarrassing I shit myself everytime it comes on.