Best Laid Plans

Today in the paper is a story of two White Supremacist whose plot to kill Barack Obama was foiled by US federal investigators.

According to authorities, the two men had planned to dress in all-white tuxedos and top hats and drive their car as fast as they could towards Obama while shooting at him through the windows.

The story had me shaking my head. I mean, what in the world were those two morons thinking?!? Nobody wears white after Labour Day.

Accident-Free for 1 Day

I haven’t knowingly eating any beef or pork since 1985, when I sat across the dinner table from Henry Rollins (yes I had dinner with Henry Rollins) and listen to him say, “I don’t care how many animals you kill, I just don’t want to eat them.” That Henry, ever the sentimentalist.

Young and impressionable, this was easily the coolest thing I had ever heard. “Hey! Good enough for Hank, good enough for me.”

Yesterday at 1:25 PM, at Vera’s Burger Shack, I let Henry down. P ordered the Vera burger, me a Veggie. All I got to say is the words “Vera” and “Vegi” look an awful lot alike when scrawled on top of tinfoil. And I kept thinking, “This the most authentic veggie burger I’ve ever had.” Finally, after eating nearly three quarters I say to P, “I think I’m eating your burger.”

23-years of unwavering dedication to a diet born not out of ethical or health concerns, but because the singer of a punk rock band told me to, has come to an end. Sorry Henry. Today the clock gets reset to 1.

On the flip side P, who up until yesterday believed all veggie burgers to be the spawn of Satan, thought it tasted pretty good.