The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Monday, July 28, 2008

Hands On Training

(I swear this will be the last Potty Post for a while.)

The Boy has been diaperless for almost two months now. In most respects potty training is going very well - the basics are there, we just need to work on style, or more specifically his aim.

Parents of boys can relate. If he stands up to pee, he fires it everywhere. Down his leg, on the floor, behind the toilet, on his shoes, on my shoes, onto his underwear. I've been trying to instruct him on the finer points of peeing like a man

- Hold onto it.
- Aim away from your shoes.
- Thrust your hips forward.
- It's like a water gun.

I'm lucky if he hits the bowl 30% of the time.

Now I've bathed and changed him hundreds of times, but for some reason I refuse to hold onto his penis and give him a hands-on demonstration. It's not like I'm squeamish or anything, it just seems wrong.


This morning The Boy grabbed a book, hopped onto the toilet and asked for some privacy. A knock on the door received, "Nobody here." as a response. After 10 minutes we decided we better poke our heads in to check.

There he was, sitting on the can, contently reading.

Didn't take him long to discover the best reading room in the house did it?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

That's Gonna Hurt

The Boy has definitely developed a Daredevil personality. If there's the slightest chance of serious injury he's all-in. No apparatus can't be climbed, nothing is too tall to jump from, he scoffs at tippy, laughs at dangerous and generally looks peril in the face and says, "Wheeee."

For most part P and I stand back and watch him. We help him when he needs help, but for the most part we figure it's his world to explore and, pffft, if he falls off the top he'll learn not to fall off again.

Then the other day The Boy told me he wants a skateboard and suddenly I'm all concerned. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against skating, but I know the minute he steps on a board he's going go for it, and he's already a walking bruise.

Fortunately it's still a few years off. Gives me some time to brush up on my first aid.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Everybody Goes

Even the Man of Steel.

Now that I think of it, is Superman's waste also invulnerable? Is his poo bulletproof? Does his stream cut through concrete?

The plumbing at the Fortress of Solitude must be awesome!

Quick potty update. Peeing has been pretty consistent since his "Can Coming Out" two months ago, but Big Jobs were another thing. After a couple of successful attempts, The Boy refused to go poop in anything but his pants, to the point he would ask us to put on his pants just so he could crap himself.

Then three weeks ago, with lots of coaxing and a bit of forceful encouragement, we got him onto the potty. Five minutes later - TOUCHDOWN! We were happy and so was he. "It looks like a snake!" he squealed.

Last week has been virtually diaper-free as both Big Jobs and Little Jobs are now happening with alarming regularity.

"I've laid another snake!"

Yes you have son, and Dad's very proud of you.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Where Does He Get This From?

The Boy falls backwards.

Me: Did you hurt your bum?

The Boy: (Absolutely seriously) No. I hurt my crack.

Me: What?

TB: I fell on my crack.

Okay, so I never taught him that. All eyes on my delightful wife...