And They Call It Puppy Love...

Last week at the babysitter's The Boy stole his first kiss. He's always been a very touchy kid, so its not unusual for him to hug a playmate, stroke their hair or pat them on the back. But kissing! This is a first.

Appropriately the little girl took a step back and slapped him. Then they both giggled, ate ice cream, pooped in their respective diapers and took a nap. Geeze, already sounds better than just about any of the dates I've ever been on.

They say the fruit never falls very far from the tree. But in this case The Boy and I aren't even in the same orchard. I didn't get my first kiss until I was well into high school, and even then I think it was on a dare. A teenage Casanova I was not.

I always promised myself I'd never live vicariously through my son, but if he's already making the moves at two-years old I might just revise that policy.

Keep trying son, she'll come around!

Leave Me Alone, Please

Last month I joined a new gym, one that is closer to where I work. I had up until a year ago, belonged to the YMCA. I loved the "Y" - friendly, unassuming and totally unpretentious. People just went there to workout and go home. No muss, no fuss.

At my new gym on the other hand, there's a definite swagger. The ultra-fit set appear to have a penchant for strutting from machine to machine. As annoying as that is though, I can live with it. This isn't the "Y" after all, and aside from parading around, the strutters pretty much keep to themselves. Besides some of them are nice to look at.

No, the thing about my new gym that is really bothering me is they are always trying to get me to sign-up for some personal training sessions, or to assess my body fat, or my diet, or whatever. All I want to do is workout, shower and leave. Ignoring them doesn't work, the phone calls and emails just keep coming. So maybe it's time for a new strategy.

Their latest pitch is for a free personalized fitness plan. I'm to book my appointment soon, because I guess this is a time-sensitive offer. So I think I'll make an appointment, and when the trainer asks me what my goals are I'll reply, "Y'know, I've been thinking about it, and what I really want to develop is a huge dick. Ten inches minimum. Can you help me reach that goal?" Then sit back and watch their reaction.

It's passive-aggressive I know, but if the shoe fits...

How I Spent My Summer

Labour Day. The metaphorical end to summer, and the end to my self-imposed blogging hiatus. Not that I was posting daily to begin with, but at least I eating more adoxographic fiber before and writing somewhat regularly.

Anyways, the holidays are over so a few Summer highlights, in no particular order:

- I hosted nine toddlers, and survived. Actually The Boy's second birthday party was one of the most successful parties I've ever hosted, period. Not sure if this means I typically host shitty parties or not, but everyone really seemed to enjoy themselves this time around. I strategy was to keep the adults liquored and the kids in toys, and it worked. Laughs and smiles all afternoon. Liquor and toys, not just reserved for swingers' parties anymore.

- Happy Birthday drives The Boy to tears. We noticed it at a couple of the other birthday parties we went to, but P and I thought he'd out grow it by the time his birthday rolled around. No such luck, as soon as everyone started singing Happy Birthday he began to cry. We switched to Camptown Racers, which made him happy. It was his birthday after all.

- Someone fed The Boy corn, and apparently he likes it - a lot. A fact I only discovered the following morning.

- The Boy has found his fury. It's as if the day after his second birthday someone flicked on his tantrum switch. This comes as a huge surprise to us. He is typically a very happy boy, and for the most part he still is. But every now and then, without any warning, something doesn't go his way and the bawling begins. Our tactic has been to ooze with cheeriness and pretend the tantrum isn't happening, and so far it seems to be working. Wonder how long it will take before he figures it out.

- No matter how much we feed him, The Boy can not gain weight. This worries P and I a little bit, but he appears well nourished. He has a healthy appetite and boundless energy, but he is a total string-bean. This makes him hard to dress. If he wears pants that are the right length, they fall down. If the pants fit his waist, they're way too short. Do they make belts for toddlers, because he needs one.

Just a few of the recent happenings in The Boy's life. The rest of our summer was a combination of BBQs. playin', slackin' and fun in the sun. Hope everyone else had a good summer too.