The Jasper Chronicles

The Journal of a Cynical Dad

Friday, March 30, 2007

Three Questions - A Meme

I've never started one of these Meme things before, and I think they're probably passe and very uncool now, but I was never one to keep up with the times; just decided to stop feathering my hair last week. So WTF, here goes.

I was describing diaper changing to a co-worker today (no wonder no one talks to me) I realized that before The Boy my reaction would have been pretty much the same as his was, "Fuck dude, that's disgusting." This got me to thinking about how much my perceptions, reactions and priorities have changed now that I'm a dad.

So I propose the following three questions:

1) What was your biggest surprise when you became a parent.

2) Name some things you vowed you'd never do, but find yourself doing now.

3) What's the one thing you thought you would do, but actually don't.

Here are my answers.

1) What was your biggest surprise when you became a parent?
Nothing seems to gross me out anymore. I changed The Boy's very first diaper and didn't even bat an eyelash. I cleaned him up, shook out the diaper, bundled him back and handed him to P. No muss, no fuss. Considering The Boy's first few poops was sticky, greeny-black meconium this was a particular surprise.

I remember as a kid watching in awe as my parents stuck their hands into all sorts of disgusting places and things, and how I would gag as they were doing it. Even as recent as couple years ago, certain textures would send me running out of the room. Now I'm right in there. Goopy, gooey or mysterious - bring it on.

2) Name some things you vowed you'd never do, but find yourself doing now?
- I always found it disgusting when parents finished eating what their kids left behind. Now I practically lick The Boy's plate. Half eaten toast - delicious. Pre-chewed carrot - my favourite. Abused banana - yum.

- I swore up and down that I'd treat The Boy like an adult, baby talk just embarrassed me too much. For the first few months that's exactly what I did, no peek-a-boo or tickle monster games, just straight-up time with Dad. Maybe it was the fact that I kept beating him at scrabble, or that he seemed to have way more fun with P, but eventually I caved.

3) What's the one thing you thought you would do, but actually don't?
Use cloth diapers exclusively. I tip my hat to those parents that can, but sometimes cloth is just not convenient, like when you're out for the afternoon or staying somewhere overnight. We hate the thought of disposables and the impact they have on the environment, and for the longest time we used gDiapers - a flushable disposable, but lately when we go out or send him to daycare, we find ourselves slapping a disposable on The Boy.

Toilet training starts in two weeks, so hopefully we won't need diapers for too much longer.


It might be only three questions, but I'm tagging five bloggers:
I suppose anyone can participate, but I had to start somewhere.

Look forward to reading your answers.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Butch Patrick Would Roll In His Grave

...oh wait, he's not dead.

Eddy Munster is the number one search term that drives traffic to this blog. It's perplexing because I've only written one post about Eddy Munster, yet The Jasper Chronicles is the top ranked site when you Google the term.

I'm not sure this is the type of publicity Butch Patrick (the actor who played Eddy) wants, to be search fodder for a daddy blog. Probably could do without this too, your most famous character, stripped of his pants and chewed on by a naked baby.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Quick Update

A lazy post today. Been too busy to write anything.

The Boy's new favourite game is Donkey Kong, where he's Kong and P and I are Mario and Luigi respectively. The game consists of him sitting halfway up the stairs and hurling rolls of toilet paper at us. I've tried the game the other way around, but after getting a few rolls square in the face, he has a definite preference for Kong.

Last summer he was Frogger, now it's Donkey Kong. What's next? Gorf? Centipede? At least it's not Leisure Suit Larry, because that would make him lame.

Speaking of Mario, check out this cute stop-action Marioland created entirely from Lego. The theme is played on a recorder, and someone going "Wheet" is the extent of the sound effects. Wonder if I can teach The Boy to do this with his Mega-Blocks. Thanks to Wonderland for discovering this.

And here are some new words he's learned this month:

Gonat - Goodnight
Apapay - Papaya
A book
A duck
I don't know (done in conjunction with a shoulder shrug - adorable)
All Wet
All Done

and in Cantonese:

Mein Bow - Bread
Gay Daan - Egg
Huck Ma Ma - Dark, as in the lights are out
Dung - A light or lamp

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Aw Shucks

Stepping down from my self-assembled, pedestal of sarcasm for just a second ($49.95 at Ikea, and only one leg has fallen off!).

Last night P asked me to close the window in The Boy's room when I go in for my nightly check-in. It's true, every night before I go to bed I pop into his room to see him. But I don't actually go in to check on him, I stand beside his crib and just admire him.

I love that boy.

I did the same thing to P when we first starting dating, but that uh... didn't go as well. Too complicated to explain; things were said, mistakes were made, records sealed.

Friday, March 16, 2007

At Least I Didn't Draw a Moustache

I'm immature I know.

Monday, March 12, 2007

But Sharks Don't Live in the Forest

There's a phrase in pop culture known as "Jumping the Shark", referring to a TV show that's peaked and introduces some sort of plot twist to boost ratings. Origins of the phrase date back to a 1977 episode of Happy Days where, during sweeps-week, The Fonz water skis over a shark tank.

Last night The Boy was watching "Little Bear" on Treehouse. A typical toddler cartoon; extremely polite and well behaved characters living in some magical land where nobody wears pants. "Little Bear" centers around the life of a five-year old bear cub who frollicks in the woods with his animal friends. They play, they laugh, they have opposable thumbs (even the birds!). Occasionally they act like the animals they are supposed to be, but most of the time they act like humans.

Yesterday I noticed the producers introduced a little girl into the storyline.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a minute! I can only suspend reality so much. Talking animals I'm okay with. The fact they live in houses, sleep in beds, use cutlery (and toilets I would imagine) - fine. But the idea a little girl can talk to the animals, share cookies, meet Little Bear's parents and not get mauled to death? That's going too far.

What's next? Little Bear's bastard half-brother returns and freeloads off the family? Maybe next season.

"Little Bear" has officially jumped the shark!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Which Superhero Are You?

Violet did this quiz on her blog, and because I don't have an original thought in my body, I copied her.

According to the Super Hero quiz I am The Flash - one of those lame DC Comic characters (could have been worse I guess, I could have been Archie).

I was so close to being Iron Man - an ultra cool Marvel Comic character. Being Iron Man would have been the best! Although come to think if it, that Iron suit he wears would be a real hassle in the bathroom.

Captain America: "Wow Iron Man, you took forever in the bathroom."

Iron Man: "Yeah, well. I had to unbolt my fly."

Captain America: "That's why I wear tights."

Take the Superhero Personality Quiz Yourself.

Daddy L, you are The Flash.
Fast, athletic and flirtatious.

The Flash
Iron Man
Green Lantern
Wonder Woman